Chi-Gurl and Me with a dash of Moo-Cat

Seriously, if it wasn't for this little dog of mine, I wouldn't even see a hint of light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.  She is the one and only thing that keeps me going in this world!  I think for those who suffer from depression, having a pet can do wonders for the psyche.  They give you a reason to get up in the morning and they reduce stress levels by being able hold them and pet/scratch/belly rub them. 
Yes, I suffer from depression, I wouldn't say I'm ashamed to admit it, but it's not really something I'm proud of either.  It can be incredibly debilitating, even while on medication. Certain things trigger it and when you add in a lot of anxiety and worry it can become nothing short of overwhelming.
I also think I've turned down the road to perimenopause.  YAY ME  Any female, in my age group, may be well aware of the symptoms and frustrations that go along with it too. Lately, it's been mood swings, sleeplessness, fatigue, headaches and a fuzzy brain as I like to call it.  I have had some night sweatiness, but nothing too bad yet.
But, back to my doggie, she's not perfect, but she's perfect for me.  Sometimes I wonder if she's not a departed family member who has been reincarnated as my companion? Although she was born in Nevada, anything is possible, right? Even the Moo-cat tolerates her and they get along quite nicely.  If only they had more space to play, like they used too. 
Please, for the Love of......soon!!

Why Blog??

Sometimes I ask myself why should I bother blogging?  I mean, other than to get thoughts down it really has no value, does it?  It's not like anyone is reading it or remote interested in it!  I may go back to Journal writing, so that when my time arrives for infirmity, distant family members can read of my life, the pain, the pleasure and perhaps get a better idea of who I am or was.  Unless I discard them all before that time arrives? Hmmm (ceremonial burning?)
Blogging is something infinitely personal, unless of course your prattling on about celebrities and the like.  Which as I get older, grows less and less entertaining.
I have of late, lost much of the zest for life and things that once interested me are not very appealing.  I've been down this path before, its quite familiar to me, even though it can become extremely unpleasant.
As I age, I find, even though on my part I do attempt to nurture such things as friendships/relationships they fade.  People move on, they're busy with kids, life and careers.  I completely understand and yet am I being so selfish as to want to claim some smart percent of their world?  I haven't made a new friends for several years, some acquaintances, yes, but as for friends, none.  I've lived here now for 7.5 years, not one friend, no social gatherings (other than his family) and no social groups, interest groups or activities benefiting my hobbies or interests.
I suppose at first, I was satisfied with my social group being his family. Now, that novelty as all but worn off and reversing in the other direction. (But that's a whole other can of worms)
Then, my father died, I had to deal with the estate that left me physically and emotionally exhausted.
From there came my sister's major surgery State-side and the hullaballoo surrounding that. 
At last it was my time for surgery, when I had a total hip replacement on the left side at St. Mike's in Toronto. 
I was eager to get back to a job after recovery, but I wasn't very successful on the first two counts, the third was miserable and now I'm finally employed, although part-time.  My current job, friends you say?  No, I work alone and only see people in passing coming or going, only there long enough for pleasantries.
While my sister has plenty of suggestions, why don't you join this or do that (all while she sits at home most days of the week doing nothing)  Anything I have been interested in has a) cost money b) been cancelled c) interferes with my work schedule or d) I get the feeling that Fab wouldn't go for it. 
I also find that now that I'm a "mommy" aka: dog owner there doesn't seem to be as much freedom in doing things.  While I would NEVER trade my dog for anything, she's my kid, some people don't seem to understand.
So, there you have it, lonely gal seeks friendship with others. Also seeks a home, but at this rate, I'll be in the nuthouse before that happens.

Early September

It's the changing of the Seasons once again as we edge closer to Autumn. I've never been a huge fan of the change from Summer to Autumn as we all know what comes next....winter!  Don't you find that we tend not to notice that change from Autumn to Winter quite so much?  Probably because by that point we're so tired of the greyness of November, we can't wait for some snow, just to liven up the landscape.  Not only to brighten the canvas around us, but also to add just a little bit of excitement, no?  The first snow or two always seems to be a new lesson for many drivers, unprepared and quite possibly unskilled in Winter driving.  I speak only from the GTA point of view, where the white stuff seems to come as a complete surprise to most. It's not like the media doesn't repeat and spell diaster for us all when we're on the brink of receiving a mere 5 cms.  It's called "snow tires" kids, preventive maintenance and adjusting your driving when there's flakes in the air...but I'm completely off track.  After all, we shouldn't see any snow for weeks to come.....right?
No, it's Autumn first...where everything that was once lush and green and blooming starts it's walk towards the "light" and leaves us yearning, months from now, for that first hint and slight thrill of thawing soil and warmth on the breeze.  Or when the leaves start to colour, which is really quite beautiful until they completely lose their charm and deposit themselves and all the neighbours too, (or so it seems), upon the lawn.  I think we raked about 16 or 17 bags last year, which would've made excellent compost, had I had the space.
No...Autumn is a sad Season for me and I hate to see that which I had lovingly planted and nutured for several weeks, die off and disappear.  The days shorten, nights are longer and temperatures are colder all signalling the transition.  Yes, I shall probably mourn for a few weeks, but it too shall pass, like all the departures that have come and gone before.  And I shall begin to mark my calender...how many days until Spring?

Bug Control

As we approach the first long weekend of the Summer, or so we like to call it.  It brings back memories of past long weekends.  Some of them spent flogging away at blackflies as you attempt to plant a garden.  I discover about 15 years ago I have quite the allergic reaction to these vicious little buggers - pun intended. 

One thing about living in the city, you don't have to deal with them as often and only the odd mosquito.  Surprisingly I thought there would be just as many mosquito's around due to the amount of junk behind the house here. 

But no, there's just as nasty a little monster that lurks there.  The wasp, the yellow jacket, I really don't spend enough time standing still to discover it's true indentity.  Another insect that seems to love me and I must avoid them at all costs.  Because with each bite over the years, I seem to get a worse reaction.  We're going to try hanging a wasp trap and I'd like to get one of those artificial wasp nests so they don't even nest behind the house (in the junk) in the first place.  I think Fab likes the idea of "killing the bugs" where I would just like to avoid them, period!

Mothers Day 2010

Well, it's almost that time of year again...Mother's Day.  sssssigh
It used to be a more important date for me, but now it's associated with a hint of sadness and memories.  Not for the fact that I've never had a child of my own (do Chihuahua's count?) as I still feel the same way about having children.  But, that it's been 9 years since I've lost my mother and I often think of her.  The pain of the loss has eased of course, but so many times you get caught off guard by sights, smells, sounds and so on that remind you of the ones that have passed on. It's amazing how often she and dad have been in my dreams, most nights actually. 
She may be gone, but she'll always be my mother, never to be replaced by anyone else!
Love You Mum!  - Betty-Jane - 1933-2001

The Junkyard aka: The Compound

This is what lives behind the "shack".  I can imagine what poisons have already leaked into the soil and contaminated the ground!

Although it's fenced, it can't possibly be legal in a residential area, can it?  Of course, if I were to complain, a) would anything be done and b) I would probably have to identify myself.

I can't imagine the view from the woman's house behind this as she looks out her living room window?!  Ack...

All I see out of the cracked kitchen window is a fence and a peek at the ladies house behind the "junkyard".  Mind you, I'm not very tall, so I think Fab would have a better view.

BTW, if anyone sees something they think they might need, let me know.  Then again, for him to sell stuff, it only encourages more buying and selling and trading.  He's currently at 3 cars, 2 full size pick-ups, 2 cars (parts) to make one whole Lotus and a multitude of motorcycles and scooters/mopeds.  These are located between his property and the entry into said "yunkyard".  HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! :)

My Inner Hell

All I can say is no No NO!

My head feels like it will explode

The pain is overwhelming

both physical and emotional.

I have to get out of here,

I'm losing myself, my being.

I am not a conformist!

Take me as I am, this is it.

It's hard to see

the flowing tears, they compete

with the pounding head.

I was doing so well

and starting to smile again.

To feel a little optimism

allow myself some hope.

But another reality

almost not of this world

Decided to impose

their warped out look on to me.

Only to collapse my

fragile stick walls

While I lay broken

on the floor.

I will decide

if I can rebuild.

If I do,

I shall use stone

and set out

the dogs to protect

my fragile heart.

....argosy....

Inside my head is a voice screaming

It sees and feels all the hurt

The pain and the unjust

going on around me.

It makes me want to yell

and stomp and hit and cry.

To lose myself in a drunken stupor.

Or drug my mind to

avoid this cruel reality.

Which way is up

as I always seem

to be looking down.

There is no clarity

no written in black and white.

The words are mumbled

or not heard, barely uttered.

I need some normalicy

Balance,

Peace,

and maybe,

just maybe,

a little...understanding.

EJH 03/05/10

The Starling & it's Tasty Tidbit

Feral little bird

What have you found there?

A tasty little meal,

in the form of a pizza crust.

Previously spat out

by a street urchin

that obviously didn't meet

her epicurious standards.

I mean, I think it

was female.

It was hard to tell.

Needless to say,

the little bird,

took flight with his dinner.

EJH - 2009

In the Streets

The gutter living folk

are at it again.

Trapsing the streets

with nowhere

in particular to go.

The drug addicts and prostitutes

Drug runners and thieves.

Looking for action

some, confrontation.

Having long ago

lost their direction.

Perhaps,

even their Soul(s).

EJH 08/09

Uninspired

Uninspired today

Looking for words

in the faces

of the people

who pass me by.

Needing reassurance

that this path I take

is the right one.

Or should I say,

the right one,

right now.

A rather dull existence

greets me each morn.

A boring job,

with no imagination.

Although

on days like this,

I write

and attempt

creation.

EJH - 08/31/09

A Rainy Day in the Box

I watch,

from inside the fishbowl.

Looking out

at the dysfunctional world.

The rain has eased

the skies, still grey.

It merges with the asphalt,

the buildings,

various shades of Blaaah!

Traffic is steady

it's quitting time

everyone in a rush

their needs

surpassing all others.

Pedestrians shuffle

shoulders hunched over.

Either due to the

electronic device

in their hand,

or against the wind.

Some,

 carrying many burdens

upon themselves.

Raves for rapini:

Raves for rapini: This week, we finish our four-part look at some of the less-familiar vegetables in the supermarket

 

The green Italian vegetable known as rapini has as many names as the chicory cousins, which we dealt with last week. But there is no confusing rapini with anything else.

By The Calgary Herald
March 29, 2006


The green Italian vegetable known as rapini has as many names as the chicory cousins, which we dealt with last week. But there is no confusing rapini with anything else.

Brassica rapa, Ruvo group -- also known as broccoli raab, cima di rapa, ruvo kale, turnip broccoli and Italian turnip -- has its own uncompromising presence.
Rapini has been a presence in the New World since the early 1930s, when a breeding program was introduced by an Italian family of gardeners who recognized the plant as it grew wild in the ditches and fields of California.
Rapini sits firmly and aggressively on the bitter end of the flavour scale. Rapini is a pretty raw vegetable, but it is never eaten raw. Look for ruffled elegance like a flamenco dancer's dress, but choose all green, with no yellow. Elongated stalks are thin and tender, with densely clustered leaves and tiny buds. Look for stalks that have been newly severed, and no woody texture.
This vegetable is perishable, lasting only a few days in the fridge. Make the most of it by wrapping the bunch in paper towels before nesting it into a perforated plastic bag. Avoid storing rapini near fruits that ripen after harvest (apples, avocados, pears, melons, tropical fruit, plums). As they ripen, they exude ethylene gas, which will turn the rapini yellow.
Rapini is easy to prepare. Wash the bunch and discard any aged or faded leaves and buds, then trim and discard the stalks at their woodiest point. Then cut the entire bunch crosswise into short lengths of about an inch, maybe two.
Garlic and ginger are natural partners. So are spicy sausages, cured pork such as pancetta, hot chili flakes, black olives of the oil-cured variety and curry powder -- even sparing amounts of turmeric or cumin.
Lemon zest, a golden haze of finely grated yellow skin after the dish is cooked, adds a bit of balance and welcome colour. Use flavoured sweeteners with character to temper rapini's bitterness: honey, balsamic vinegar, maple syrup. Or rely on rapini's bitter edge to boost potatoes and pasta.
Cook rapini knowing its glowing colour will fade to drab in the pan. The flavour won't, though. If it seems too assertive, too pungent for your palate, blanch rapini in boiling water, then drain and rinse in cold water before carrying on.
Traditional cooks cook rapini by braising it until tender, flavoured with garlic and hot chili flakes in a bit of water or stock. Alternatively, steam or stir-fry, saute or boil, just as you would broccoli, only briefly.
Be prepared for shrinkage. One bunch of chopped rapini fills about 6 cups (1.5 L), but it condenses into about 2 cups when cooked, so be generous.


dee Hobsbawn-Smith is an author, writer, chef and poet.
dee@curiousocook.net




Braised Rapini and Garlic with Balsamic


Serve this traditional combination as a side dish or on pasta.  It makes a natural partner for spicy Italian sausages, steamed or grilled.


2 to 4 slices bacon, sliced crosswise


olive oil for the pan


1 onion, sliced3 to 4 cloves garlic, sliced or minced

1 bunch rapini, washed and chopped

1/2 cup (125 mL) water or stock


1/2 cup (125 mL) oil-cured black olives


zest of 1 lemon


hot chili flakes to taste

drizzle of balsamic vinegar


salt and pepper to taste


toasted pine nuts for garnish

Saute bacon in a heavy-bottomed pan over medium-high heat until all fat is rendered out. Add enough oil to lubricate the pan, then add onion and garlic.
Cook until tender and translucent, about 10 minutes, over medium heat.
Add rapini, water or stock and olives. Cover and simmer until rapini is tender to the bite, 8 to 15 minutes.
Add lemon zest, hot chili flakes, balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper.
Mix well, then serve immediately. Garnish with pine nuts.
Serves 4.